My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, but they stay for the intelligent discourse about Benghazi
Any restaurant can be family style if the waiter criticizes your order
Then there were 3 sets of footprints & God said “This is Deb. She answered my Craigslist ad & U r the one who said we should try new things”
For english press ONE. Para espanol el primo numero DOS. If you like totes can’t even right now, obvs press THREE.
Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it?
NO, SENSEI!
Gluten sensitivity does not exist in this dojo,does it? Put your hand down Aiyden
I really hate to get religious on here, but have you seen the thigh gap on Jesus. DAYUM!
Me: OMG I feel amazing!
WebMD: sounds like cancer!
Thanks for telling me your astrological sign, cause now I know a lot about your personality. Like you are a gullible dummy.
Sometimes I wish I was a mermaid. Maybe then HR would stop hassling me for wearing a seashell bra on casual Fridays.
“Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her butt!”
“DOCTOR PLEASE SHE IS CODING! NOW IS NOT THE TIME!”
I’m sorry baby, but me & you are not going to work out.
We are going to watch tv.
I like to think of myself not so much as a terrible driver, but an awesome stunt woman.