a Pride of Lions. A Murder of Crows. a Fame of Pete Davidson Exes
I’d prob date Pete Davidson too if Instagram showed me a targeted ad for him more than 3x
Sorry kids, if Santa were real he’d have a podcast by now
4yo: I had a dream about u mommy
Me: I feel so special
4yo: I flushed u down the toilet
Gather ’round you single losers so I can throw my used flowers at you -Brides
CBS Fall Line-Up:
Big Bang Theory
Young Sheldon
Old Sheldon
Ghost Sheldon
CSI Sheldon
Last Sheldon Standing
America’s Got Sheldons
I feel a special bond w/ ppl that always pop up in my ‘May Know’ Facebook window. Like u see me,I see u &we’ve both agreed not to be friends
We’ve replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump’s speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let’s see if he notices
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You’re annoying enough as it is
Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry. Yes I remain sweet & quiet but on the inside I’m composing a strongly worded email
Free tip for home invaders: literally everybody with an iPhone6 is out at brunch right now
Nice try horror movies, but everyone in my generation is already terrified to answer their phones
a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a virgin of gamers
This spa was amazing!
Umm Miss, you just walked through our car wash.
Any walk can be a walk-of-shame when you’re an adult wearing Crocs™