I call my horse mayo
bc mayo neighs
Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. Know why?
Inflation
What did the little champagne bottle call his father?
Pop!
What does Frankenstein drive?
A monster truck
My doctor told me I have acute appendicitis and I said “Compared to who!?”
The cable guy was on my street and asked me what time it was.
I told him it’s between 8am and 12pm.
Why don’t ants get sick?
Because they have antybodies
Where do mathematicians go when they die?
The symmetry
My boyfriend told me to stop acting like a flamingo so I had to put my foot down
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars
Omg. It happened again.
I was using the flashlight on my phone. To look for my phone.
Help me 😩
My friend’s band is called Duvet.
It’s a cover band.
A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter.
How dairy