In Soviet Russia, butter can’t believe it’s not you
I bought a safe. Then I had to store the key, so I bought another safe. Then another for that key. See, this is how Big Safe gets you.
Anyway here’s Wonderwall
I only like movies with a happy ending, which has led to several arrests in theaters
I am delighted to announce that endless online arguing is saving humanity
As an employee, I bring passionate commitment to the goal of receiving a paycheck every two weeks
[calls God on phone]
Hi, can you come get me?
GOOGLE USER: What are symptoms of skin cancer
GOOGLE: 20% off best skin cancer now
Interviewer: What is your biggest weakness
Me: Well, I don’t really want to do anything
Are you questioning my vocabulary skills, pal? Cause you are gonna get punched right in the plethora