Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : Robin: "Clowns to the left of me, Joker's to the right. Here I am, stuck in the middle with you."

Batman: "Shut up."

@Reverend_Scott: Cop: know how fast you were going?

Me: 30

Cop: faster

Me: 217

Cop: what? no 72

Me: 54

Cop: I already told-

Me: negative 12

Cop: get out

@Reverend_Scott: [paying the check at dinner]

ME: how much should I tip her?

COW WAITRESS: oh no

@Reverend_Scott: CAT 911: What's your emer-

CAT: THE PERSON PET ME

CAT 911: What were you doing?

CAT: SLEEPING

CAT 911: I HATE PEOPLE

CAT: I HATE PEOPLE

@Reverend_Scott: 911: What's your emergency?
Me: This pic on IG-
911: Go on.
Me: She said no filter, but-
911: She used one?
Me: YES.
911: Try to stay calm.

@Reverend_Scott: Genie: I will grant you one wish

Me: I wish to be healthy and fit in both body and mind

Genie: I said a wish, not a miracle

@Reverend_Scott: [Cowardly Lion starts texting his ex]
WIZARD OF OZ: Ok wow, I gave you WAY too much courage.

@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped you?

Me: I was going too fast?

Cop: Yes, you'll get brain freeze

Me: [eats ice cream slower]

@Reverend_Scott: [jail]
Me: what are ya in for?

Cell mate: Cannibalism. You?

Me: I licked ice cream at the store and put it back in the freezer

Cell mate: wtf man that's sick