My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.
I may be a middle aged suburban male but I still enjoy going out*, picking up hot chicks** & bringing them home.
*to Costco
** rotisserie chickens
Thanks to modern recycling technology you can now throw away the same Pottery Barn catalog 2000 times.
No longer performing, members of Dire Straits are now advising other bands.
They are consultants
They are consultants
They are con-sul-tants of swing
Come and get your love.
I don’t deliver. Take out only.
I made a mix tape for a girl in the 90’s & she responded by giving me a blank cassette titled “What I Like About You”.
Let’s cut to the chase babe. I’ve only got a few DMs left.
Go ahead. Order anything you want. Money is no object when we dine at Le Foodcourte du Costco.
Over on that new social media site, nudes are called Threadbares
Received an email that my “services are no longer needed effective immediately” & “good luck on your future endeavors”. Frankly I think my wife should have told me in person.
A magician’s assistant wears two layers under her costume: a bra, cadabra
I cheat on my taxes by sleeping with other people’s taxes.
A monarchy is crowning a new king & later we’ll watch horses run in a circle for entertainment. Tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1199.
Ladies if you receive flowers with no card attached, they’re from me.
The optometrist sees the one eyed man’s glasses as half-full. The pessometrist sees them as half-empty.