This flower shop also sells shirts at the front counter but the display is so large that you can’t see the florist for the T’s.
So aliens build high-tech spacecraft & travel thousands of light years just to give random people colonoscopies?
I’m not buying a coffee table until I finish walking around the furniture store barefoot kicking legs to see which hurts the least.
Every time I go to Baskin-Robbins their hamburger machine is broken.
“You are now about to witness the STRENGTH of street knowledge,” I tell my Über passengers as I turn off my GPS.
I do NOT have a drinking problem. I use a straw so technically it’s a “sipping” problem.
I’m so tired of all this cheap chicanery! Sir, where do you keep the expensive chicanery?
I think I’m going to Bangladesh.
Ladesh: I have a boyfriend.
Before Geronimo was born in 1829 what the hell did people yell when they jumped off things?
If you gave a million monkeys a million keyboards & let them bang away at the keys all day…then you’d have Twitter.
Why do people wax their surfboards? A hairy surfboard is a natural and beautiful thing.
Ruby Tuesday lures you in with the promise of “bottomless fries” but then escorts you out with “you have to wear pants in here”.
A Peeping Tom was hospitalized after falling out of a tree. Appropriately in the ICU.
Dude with 7 followers is criticizing my jokes. That’s not a Twitter account. It’s a group text.
Happy April 31st from me & my Dollar Store calendar