@RiotGrlErin

found a twenty in my purse then channeled jesus and turned it into wine at the nearest liquor store.

@RiotGrlErin

Dolly Parton not making lollipops in the shape of her head and calling them Dollipops is unfortunate.

@RiotGrlErin

wanna bet Tom Hanks is kinda bitter about how easily Moana got over that break in the waves.

@RiotGrlErin

the dog is mad at me bc i wouldn’t let him eat sriracha off the ground and my feelings are hurt so no i don’t want children.

@RiotGrlErin

do my glasses go over or under a balaclava i want to rob this bank just right.

@RiotGrlErin

I couldn’t take Breaking Bad seriously bc Walter White looked like Ned Flanders.