cat: *unresponsive*
bartender: get this catatonic
vanessa carlton drove a piano one thousand miles to get to the one she loved and i can’t even get a text back.
tums is missing out on selling pumpkin spice flavored antacid and calling it autums.
why do i pat the top of my sandwich like great job now you must die.
selena gomez
if god really loved all the people of the world why do our heads weigh so much.
pls don’t buy me anything family size i have no self control and no family
found a twenty in my purse then channeled jesus and turned it into wine at the nearest liquor store.
Dolly Parton not making lollipops in the shape of her head and calling them Dollipops is unfortunate.
wanna bet Tom Hanks is kinda bitter about how easily Moana got over that break in the waves.
the dog is mad at me bc i wouldn’t let him eat sriracha off the ground and my feelings are hurt so no i don’t want children.
my serotonin level is perusing other interests it seems.
ex: i wish you well
me: i hope you fall into one
Date: Are you winking or blinking?
Cyclops: I do not know.