The armadillo implies the existence of a legadillo.
Me: I’ll get to sleep an extra hour on Sunday.
My bladder: Hahaha.
An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.
Person: Do you have a license for that thing?
Me [from my wheelchair]: No, that got revoked years ago.
Person: What’s your handicap?
Me [from my wheelchair]: I don’t golf.
Person: Don’t talk to me in the morning until I’ve had at least one cup of coffee.
Me: Don’t talk to me in the morning until I’ve pet at least four dogs.
Person: My two year old is grumpier than usual. I think he’s having a growth spurt.
Me, at 33: I think I am too.
Person: Home decor is a niche market.
Me: Baked flan with a savory filling thickened with eggs is a quiche market.
Reset password
‘SevenDays’
Your password is week
A police lineup, but you have to recognize your dad’s sneeze.
My dad thought Siri would be more helpful finding a lemon ricotta recipe if he used an Italian accent.
Interviewer: Do you show up on time?
Me *born three months premature*: No.
One building was torn down by a wrecking ball, another building was bulldozed. They were razed differently.
[My first day as an architecture major]
*raises hand*
When are we going to learn how to build gingerbread houses?
The manual for my motorized wheelchair says “Do not operate while tired. ” I haven’t moved in six years.