My neighbor’s kid said hi but I couldn’t think of his name and said “Hi son of John” like some biblical dude
Villian: one false move and you’re history
Me: ok wait does that mean one true move and I’m the future? *eyes welling up* Very inspiring sir thank you
911, what’s your emergency?
Me (whispering): I’m holding a bagel in my right hand
Are you left handed?
No but I couldn’t use my right thumbprint to unlock my iPhone so I used the emergency button
Okay but why are you whispering?
I don’t want the killer to know I have a bagel
My fortune cookie fortune:
___________________________
| |
| *ʀᴇᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ᴛᴏɴᴇʀ* |
|__________________________|
feeling dizzy
highly recommended, many stars
Ask your doctor if your dominant hand is right for you
Friend: *sets up chess board*
Me: Oh yeah? Two can play at that game *sets up another chess board*