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@SadPeruna : If I was a magician I'd ask someone in the audience for a $20 bill and then just run away. You could prob make like $40 doing that.
@SadPeruna: If by 'the Hamptons' you mean 'my pajamas', then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons.
@SadPeruna: Even if you don't pay, they'll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car.
@SadPeruna: Woke up to 5:15am phone reminder telling me I need to set my alarm for 8am. Thanks last night drunk self. This is why we don't have friends.
@SadPeruna: Every call with my mother starts in one of two ways:
1. WHY HAVEN'T YOU CALLED? IS EVERYTHING OK?
2. WHY ARE YOU CALLING? IS EVERYTHING OK?
@SadPeruna: Nothing is creepier than watching someone hula hoop with a serious look on their face.
@SadPeruna: "I believe I can fry" - R Kelly filling out McDonald's application
@SadPeruna: Get a TATTOO they said!
A rock band tattoo would be the BEST they said!
Creed will be popular FOREVER they said!
@SadPeruna: Because one Duran just wasn't enough.
@SadPeruna: Why do we PARK on a DRIVEway, but my mom's boyfriend Craig won't let me call him Dad when we hug?