@SamSkoronski

BOSS: I want to see you in my office.

ME: Wow, thanks. You can have my cubicle.

@SamSkoronski

HIM: Where do you see yourself in five years?

ME: Wait, just how long is this interview?

@SamSkoronski

ME: *traps a spider under a glass*

ROOMMATE: Now what?

ME: *ear to glass* We eavesdrop on him.

@SamSkoronski

GENIE: You have three wishes.

ME: I wish I had a million dollars.

GENIE: Granted. You had a million dollars.

@SamSkoronski

PAC-MAN: *eating his third ghost* You know, these just aren’t filling.

@SamSkoronski

WISE MAN: Inside you there are two wolves.

TWO WOLVES IN A TRENCH COAT: *sweating*