5pm me: coffee doesn’t even affect me
4am me: I wonder if I can watch all the YouTube
I just want to put my hair in a cute little messy bun and not look like a sumo wrestler.
The fact that he hasn’t texted back in a week, only tells me he is madly in love with me.
I’m holding my head high and my middle finger a bit higher.
BOB: My name spelled backwards is the same.
DAVE: Hahaha I’d be Evad.
LANA: Guys, can we play different game?
[job interview for psychic]
INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
ME: Well played.
I had two naps today but every time I wake up I’m still at work.
“Kids, are you asleep?”
Kids:
*turns off the wifi*
MUUUUUUUUUUM
I never understood why chefs wear white.
I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water and come back with five stains on my shirt.
I just bought a beautiful 18th century bowl.
It even has a little sign on the bottom that says dishwasher safe.
*goes shopping without makeup and a hair in the messy bun*
“Hi everybody I ever met since 1999”
Him: Baby are you mad?
Me:
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
No, why?
“Baby, I’m in the bedroom waiting for you”
Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed.
It’s so cold out, that I don’t know who’s just wrapping up warm and who’s a ninja.
“Please let go of my hair”
-my gynaecologist