@Sanbel11

The fact that he hasn’t texted back in a week, only tells me he is madly in love with me.

@Sanbel11

I’m holding my head high and my middle finger a bit higher.

@Sanbel11

BOB: My name spelled backwards is the same.

DAVE: Hahaha I’d be Evad.

LANA: Guys, can we play different game?

@Sanbel11

[job interview for psychic]

INTERVIEWER: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

ME: Well played.

@Sanbel11

I had two naps today but every time I wake up I’m still at work.

@Sanbel11

“Kids, are you asleep?”

Kids:

*turns off the wifi*

MUUUUUUUUUUM

@Sanbel11

I never understood why chefs wear white.

I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water and come back with five stains on my shirt.

@Sanbel11

I just bought a beautiful 18th century bowl.

It even has a little sign on the bottom that says dishwasher safe.

@Sanbel11

*goes shopping without makeup and a hair in the messy bun*

“Hi everybody I ever met since 1999”

@Sanbel11

Him: Baby are you mad?

Me:
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No, why?