Taking your shirt off when fighting is a great way to tell the cops who to arrest.
The guy I just cut off thinks he’s gonna destroy my car with high beams.
<Tries to plow the road>
Road: I have a boyfriend.
The Taliban heavily overestimates the need for monkey-bar training.
Someone needs to tell drug sniffing dogs about the whole “man’s best friend” thing.
So, I decided to do Super Bowl boxes..
Nothing says “I’m unemployed” like wishing for snow on Facebook.
I’ll buy the magic mushrooms, fireballs and flying raccoons but a Princess dating an Italian plumber?
C’mon guys, just 50 more likes and her father will love her.
My grandma keeps talking about her monthly checks, prescription drugs and how much she loves Miami. I think she’s a rapper.