@SardonicTart

Didn’t find a dead body on my hike again today this is starting to get frustrating.

@SardonicTart

I showered today because I know I won’t want to tomorrow. I’m a planner.

@SardonicTart

I’m in a bad mood right now so I’m hoping to hear some good news about something bad happening to someone I hate.

@SardonicTart

Just googled “unsolved murders in my area” because I have some extra time and someone has to solve these cases.

@SardonicTart

Memorial Day was always my grandpa’s favorite holiday because he was a WW2 vet and also loved to buy mattresses.

@SardonicTart

My 18 year-old was complaining about her job so I told her it’ll be ok she only has 47 years left.

@SardonicTart

Walnuts aren’t the same when they’re not surrounded by a brownie.

@SardonicTart

Someone at work just yelled “go team” so I reported her for creating a hostile work environment.