I got really excited when she talked about a motorboat date, but as it turns out, she just wanted to take a ride on the lake. *sigh*
I don’t get it. Rock beats scissors but no one says shit about running with them.
Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!!
Me: Not with that attitude.
My new year’s resolution is 1920 × 1080.
“I’m having a public meltdown!!” – A Snowman, maybe.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig…. Its not a beautiful poem, but its very deep.
I’m sure a spider is never scrutinized for spending too much time on the web.
There’s a reason the iPhone autocorrects “Yolo” to “tool.”
Its wrong that priests have to live a life of forced celibacy . They should get married and let celibacy come upon them the usual way.
For some reason I’m an extremely secretive
person. Don’t ask me why
I ask myself, “How did I get here?,” I’m sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house…taking a shower.
True friendship is when you walk into someone’s house, and your WiFi connects automatically..
Kinky is when you bring a feather into the bedroom. Perverted is when you bring the whole chicken.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
Look son, every man is nervous the first time. Just take a deep breath, walk up to her, look her in the eye and ask her for directions.