I’d say go to hell, but I don’t want to see you again.
Adulthood is like the vet, and we’re all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realize where we’re going.
I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex.
I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
People say I have the legs of a dancer. But until they find the rest of the body, the cops have nothing on me, man!
They say being a hostage is difficult – but I could do that with my hands tied behind my back.
Never ever make an arm wrestle bet with a man who has been single for a long time….
Give a man fish and you’ll feed him for a day…… Give a fish a man and you’re probably in the Mafia
I would have loved to have been there when Mary and Joseph tried to explain to Jesus where babies come from.
Pool party at my house… BYOP (Bring Your Own Pool)…
When people see ghosts, why aren’t they naked? Do clothes die and become ghosts too?
“You the bomb” “No you the bomb”….- A compliment in America.An argument in the Middle East.
I like to hide condom wrappers in my married friends pockets.
Whenever I sing, my mom goes outside. Not to get away from me, but to prove to my neighbors that she’s not beating me.