Fridges have magnetic doors because kids used to get stuck in them. We now literally have to tell adults not to eat tide pods.
Back in my day, it was a game of dodge ball where you found out who didn’t like you.
I just finished watching a Tik Tok that stated if you see a Big foot with evil red eyes you should run. I’m sitting here contemplating shouldn’t I be prepared to run from all Big Foots? Discuss.
In the next Mad Max movie instead of fighting over gasoline they should be fighting over toilet paper.
Who Left The Bag Of Idiots Open?
I swear the Butterfly effect has seriously gone out of control this year.
Looks at today’s news…. hears Benny Hill theme.
I just observed a sign that said “How do nudists clean their glasses?” so there’s that question to keep you up at night.
Sharks just aren’t eating enough people.
Black Friday: Because Only in America, People trample others for Sales the day after being thankful for what they already have
The Human Body Is 90% Water, So Basically We’re Just Cucumbers With Anxiety” – Science Person
“Do not touch” must be one of the scariest things to read in braille.
Don’t let people push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon, because that shit is fun!
The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
Before Calling Me, ask yourself “Is This Textable?”