No one ever seems to break their legs when they drop from a portal in the sky.
Kids today don’t even understand you could kill a person with a rotary phone.
*runs out of toilet paper*
“Good bye, infinity scarf”
“Can I get a umm…”
-every person ever at the drive thru
Her: No filter!
Me: Add one tho
I may be small, but so is a grenade.
“Holy infant so tender and mild.”
-cannibals
[in HR]
We’re letting you go because you won’t stop referring to going to the bathroom as “live streaming”
“If you want something badly enough you’ll never give up.”
-psychopaths
*looks up from phone*
Great, I’m inside of a coffin again.