Meiosis is still a better love story than Twilight.
That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.
Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.
Password security questions be like: What’s your middle name? Why are you single? What’s wrong with your big toe?
I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin.
Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn’t have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.