@ShawnIzadi

That moment you could pass as an Olympic speed walker because you are racing to the bathroom.

@ShawnIzadi

Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.

@ShawnIzadi

Password security questions be like: What’s your middle name? Why are you single? What’s wrong with your big toe?

@ShawnIzadi

I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin.

@ShawnIzadi

Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn’t have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.

@ShawnIzadi

Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.