@Shen_the_Bird
me: is it cool if i add a little hat
person i’m tattooing: what no
me: ok [starts scribbling out the little hat]
@Shen_the_Bird
@Shen_the_Bird
doctor: i’m afraid the part of your brain that helps with rhyming may never work again
me: uh oh spaghetti
@Shen_the_Bird
me: [wondering if i she can tell i lied about my job]
the woman cutting my hair: ocean king sounds stressful
me: it can be
@Shen_the_Bird
therapist: what do you think is your greatest fear
me: what if you dropped a baby and it landed on its feet
@Shen_the_Bird
[first rap battle]
me: call me artisanal burger because i’m falling apart
opponent: please stop crying
@Shen_the_Bird
a fun game to play with a chiropractor is to go completely limp after they pop your neck just to see what they do
@Shen_the_Bird
girlfriend: promise you won’t do anything weird
me: ok
[later at the funeral]
me: [to the tune of my sharona] m-m-m-my condolence
@Shen_the_Bird
me: well it’s technically the bride of frankenstein’s monster
hostage negotiator: we should get back on topic
@Shen_the_Bird
welcome to janurary 32nd everyone
@Shen_the_Bird
therapist: one way to handle criticism is by trying to engage in a healthy dialogue to understand their thoughts
me: ok
[later]
me: [over the loud laughter of teens] and why exactly am i a poop ass