@Shen_the_Bird: me: could you put this ring at the bottom of my date's champagne glass

waiter: [refusing to take the funyun] no

@Shen_the_Bird: daredevil: [standing in the rain with his girlfriend] i may be blind, but my echolocation allows me to picture you perfectly

her: oh so like you'll use the sound of the raindrops to-

daredevil: [just starts screaming into her face]

@Shen_the_Bird: me: [arriving in heaven] so did anybody cry at my funeral

god: oh actually your body is still in the ball pit

@Shen_the_Bird: her: the moon is so romantic tonight

me: how

the moon: [brushes hair behind my ear] hey

me: h-[blushing] hey

@Shen_the_Bird: [forgetting the phrase "your honor"] not guilty, hammer daddy

@Shen_the_Bird: doctor: you're completely blind

me: what are you saying

doctor: april fools lol you're actually deaf

me: what

doctor: oh right

@Shen_the_Bird: [arriving in hell]

me: i didn't know i'd have to wear what i died in forever

satan: where did you even find denim underwear

@Shen_the_Bird: her: [during roleplay] come get me

me: [struggling to get up with my ninja turtle shell on] no you get me

@Shen_the_Bird: cop: do you know why i pulled you over

me: [through foam mascot head] ya