@ShootyDoody: Villain: Does crimes.
Super Villain: Does crimes, uses self-aggrandizing adjectives.
@ShootyDoody: Every time someone catches me eating cake, I tell them it's my birthday.
Anyway, Happy 543rd Birthday to me!
@ShootyDoody: Me, at a Renaissance Fair: Well actually, that type of staff is inappropriate for the type of wizard you are portraying.
@ShootyDoody: Friend: Does Jesus live in you?
Me, Very Fat: I don't know, he probably could though.
@ShootyDoody: Teacher: You have one pie, there are four people who want pie, what percentage of the pie would you get?
@ShootyDoody: Friend: What was the name of that guy you introduced me to? He had a beard and a hoodie.
F: Really into Craft Beer.
F: He has a podcast.
Me: That's every man I know.
@ShootyDoody: Refrigerators are actually sentient beings, but we keep putting magnets on them, and erasing their memories.