@Skoogeth: professor x: what's your power?
me: i’m super chill
professor x: we already have iceman how would that help?
me: yeah man
professor x: what?
me: [nodding] yeah
@Skoogeth: sphinx: answer my riddle correctly or die
sphinx: but i haven’t asked the question…
me: [laying my head under her paw] we gonna do this or what?
@Skoogeth: cop: can you step out of the car, sir?
me: [remaining in my seat] yes i CAN step out of the car ;D
cop: um may you step out of the car, sir?
me: actually i might be on a teensy bit of opium so let's revisit that first question
@Skoogeth: cop: do you know how fast you were going?
cheetah: 60mph but i can reach speeds of 75mph on smooth terrain
cop: [turns to camera] wow kids did you hear that? twitter is so full of wonderful facts
cheetah: that’s right officer. for instance did you know 9/11 was an inside job?
@Skoogeth: peacock: how’d the date go?
me: not so well
peacock: you show her your tail?
me: no i-
peacock: well there’s your problem dumbshit
@Skoogeth: host: hello and welcome to another episode of “terrible at social interactions”. let’s meet our first contestant that don’t talk so good, sam. tell us a little bit about yourself sam
sam: yeah and you as well
host: killer job sammy boy
@Skoogeth: [a robber breaks into my house]
me, to my dog: sic him, boy, sic him
my dog: [coughs into his paw, wipes it on the robber’s face, and then looks at me for approval]
me: not... [rubbing my temples] not like that tho
@Skoogeth: professor x: what’s your power?
jk rowling: i can rewrite the past of fictional characters
gay professor x : interesting