“Don’t look at me, you bought the faulty blinds”
“I swear to God I will turn this car around”
The moment Alan realised that maybe he’s not really suited to emotional support dog work after all.
Don’t come back here with your bullshit.
Me, coming back with my bullshit:
“Dave, don’t, he ain’t worth it bro”
“No it’s OK, take your fucking photo first”
“LOOK JUST GIVE US THE BREAD, BARBARA, WE DON’T WANT TO HURT YOU”
Not even remotely sorry.
His arrival was foretold in the ancient murals.
“We can argue all day about the rights and wrongs, Barbara, but it won’t change the fact that we’re out of toilet paper”
Me checking my bank balance online.
“I don’t want to sound ungrateful, Carl, but I think I’ll get the bus to work tomorrow”
Sorry I missed your call, the frogs had my phone again.
“You probably can’t even tell, but there was an incident with the shower curtain”
When you need to go shopping but have to Kill Bill first.
