Went for a run and now I have to find a way to trade my body in for scrap
I don’t mean to brag but I’m one of the reasons they installed emergency stop clips on gym treadmills
According to HR, the boss can come into my office eating a kebab when I’ve only had an apple for lunch
but I can’t throw my chair at him
I had beer at lunchtime and now I think I might be sitting in the wrong office
If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years
Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer
Writing a personal ad. So far I have:
Has all own teeth
‘Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?’
Every night it sounds like my neighbors take turns at running headfirst into their walls