@Smug_Lemur

Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom.

@Smug_Lemur

“Waiter, I’d like to send this back”

-m’am, I believe that’s your husband.

@Smug_Lemur

Arguing w him is like playing Pictionary w/ the person who draws one weird little shape and just keeps circling it over and over and over.

@Smug_Lemur

Didn’t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.