My three biggest fears are drowning, heights and people that scroll with their index finger.
I can hear you swallowing from across the room you irritating piece of SHIT
So far today I’ve watched cartoons, had a nap, drank chocolate milk and ate cereal for lunch. I’m basically a toddler.
My kids are 23 and 13 and they still argue about who is my favorite. Warms my heart.
Too bad it’s neither of them.
“The pleasure is all mine”
Omg you’re so selfish
“Your breathing holes are very nicely shaped”
Flirting is so easy
12: “Why don’t girls like playing dodgeball?”
Because we don’t like getting hit by balls.
12: *giggles for 5 minutes*
You are so my child
Daughter: Mom, there’s a man outside.
Me: Get the net!
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish.
*I’m not even high.
What an adorable idea. My coworkers have been writing names on food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.