Salad is being recalled.
Do you know what’s never been recalled?Original Oreos.
every Crock-Pot recipe:
– add anything in the house
– cook 3-19 hours on low
My wife sighed from the other room, which can mean one of 2,639 things.
When my wife says “You know, I’ve been thinking” there’s a 100% chance we’re ending up in a store.
Koala bears can sleep up to 20 hours a day, which means they’re only a few hours short of having a perfect day.
I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.
Saw another story about a missing hiker.
I never went missing sitting at home.
Whoever invented crustless pot pie clearly didn’t know why people eat pot pie.
I can never understand what our accent chair is saying.
If you think fruit is better than candy just remember Eve ate an apple, not a Reese’s.
I’m not proud of the person I become when there’s a cheese tray at a party.
Can you teach a self-cleaning oven to do the rest of the house?
I’m from the generation when we’re telling a story about our childhood we say “You have to remember, cellphones weren’t around back then.”
Courage is taking a selfie at an angle below your chin.
Please excuse the house, we’re remodeling.
– whenever we have company and are never remodeling