I texted my wife “Hey” and she texted back “It’s on the dresser.”
When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.
What the hell did you order?
– me when the drive thru line isn’t moving
If you don’t tell me I’m on speakerphone then I’m not responsible for your kids learning new words.
Every day has been Fat Tuesday since quarantine started.
A game married people play.
I ordered a $9.00 salad on a food delivery app. That’s $57.00 I’ll never see again.
Dunkin Donuts gives you zero or fifty nine napkins, there is no in between.
The past three months of 2021 have flown by.
Cellphone battery in 2017 – 2.5 hours
Radio battery on Gilligan’s Island in the 1960’s – 3 years