@Social_Mime
I texted my wife “Hey” and she texted back “It’s on the dresser.”
@Social_Mime
@Social_Mime
When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.
@Social_Mime
What the hell did you order?
– me when the drive thru line isn’t moving
@Social_Mime
If you don’t tell me I’m on speakerphone then I’m not responsible for your kids learning new words.
@Social_Mime
Every day has been Fat Tuesday since quarantine started.
@Social_Mime
A game married people play.
@Social_Mime
I ordered a $9.00 salad on a food delivery app. That’s $57.00 I’ll never see again.
@Social_Mime
Dunkin Donuts gives you zero or fifty nine napkins, there is no in between.
@Social_Mime
The past three months of 2021 have flown by.
@Social_Mime
Cellphone battery in 2017 – 2.5 hours
Radio battery on Gilligan’s Island in the 1960’s – 3 years