so awkward to break up with a friend at the Renaissance Fair who is the back-half of your Centaur costume 😥
Just once I’d like to be the DJ at an extravagant, subversive Goth masquerade ball and just throw on “Kokomo” by The Beach Boys when they least suspect it
Horror movies have ruined the joy of skinnydipping for me 🙁
I think it’d be neat if mermaids had a clam flip phone
How can a pair of men’s swim trunks be $90?! Is the net for your privates lined with gold?
Not sure of the logistics yet on how to include this in my last will & testament, but I’d like to stage a “coffin flop” for my funeral
TWITTER: Nowhere will you find more gratuitous cleavage.
RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL: Hold my tankard of ale.
Hot girls tweet things like “his words. my curves. pain. my soul. barbecue sauce” and get 27k likes WTF is this app
So wild that you can walk into any Walmart, open a Ouija Board in the game aisle, summon a Demon and then just leave.
Never understood why people need bathrobes? Just take off your clothes and have a bath, then put on some clothes after the bath. Why the need for an intermediate garment? This is a moneymaking scam being propagated by Big Robe.
BREAKING NEWS: every movie & thing you like is delayed. There. Done.
Never lose touch with your inner Wednesday Addams.
*kermit plays slayer on his banjo. a marsh pit breaks out*
Do you think, in a pinch, Jim Henson ever used Kermit as an oven mitt?
I just wish the Oompa Loompas came prancing out and sang a song about each victim in the Saw movies.