@Steven37366100

I’ve been barred from the local Mexican restaurant for repeatedly bringing and summoning my waiter with my personal maracas

@Steven37366100

Me: Like Icarus, I flew too close to the sun.

Wife: You singed your eyebrows using the deep fryer. Again.

@Steven37366100

[First day as a doctor]

Patient: *throwing up blood*

Me: Ewwww. Why did you eat that?

@Steven37366100

Me: *giggling* No, you hang up

Cop: Other prisoners need to make their calls

@Steven37366100

Wife: I think the washer went out

Me: What time will it be back?

Wife: Please get my suitcase

@Steven37366100

Flight attendant: Can I get you something to drink?

Me: What kind of gravy do you have?