My gastroenterologist used to be a plumber.
Having to see him is gut-wrenching
I thought I was being clever stockpiling prunes and figs
But it’s all gone to shit now
If you’re feeling sorry for yourself for having to homeschool, spare a thought for your kids.
You’re now their prom date!
Which idiot called it a vasectomy?
Rather than ‘I kid you not’
Me: [being murdered] Sorry, did my wife hire you for this?
Him: [still stabbing] Yes she did.
Me: How much is this costing me?
My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud.
He’s doing a 3 year stretch.