@StewieTea2

My gastroenterologist used to be a plumber.

Having to see him is gut-wrenching

@StewieTea2

I thought I was being clever stockpiling prunes and figs

But it’s all gone to shit now

@StewieTea2

If you’re feeling sorry for yourself for having to homeschool, spare a thought for your kids.

You’re now their prom date!

@StewieTea2

Which idiot called it a vasectomy?

Rather than ‘I kid you not’

@StewieTea2

Me: [being murdered] Sorry, did my wife hire you for this?

Him: [still stabbing] Yes she did.

Me: How much is this costing me?

@StewieTea2

My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud.

He’s doing a 3 year stretch.