I ordered Chinese food last night. My fortune cookie said “LOL” and I’ve never agreed with one more.
*leaves work early and pulls in to seedy 4 hours stay motel on the highway. Looks around to make sure no one sees*
Me: This is going to be so great.
*sleeps for 4 hours*
So I climb a tree and scream and its an “issue” but cicadas do it and its a natural marvel. OK.
Me: So how old were you when you hacked your first person?
Friend: 6th grade
Me: Wow, you were good with computers early on in life.
Friend: Computers?
I want to run my fingers through your spaghetti.
Hair. I mean hair. Sorry, I鈥檓 starving.
Me: I’d never go to Australia. Everything there wants you dead.
Her: You should feel right at home then.
Me: 馃槓
I’ve finally had time to open the boxes in the basement. Well guess who is coming up smelling like vintage 80s English Leather.
Take caution while searching the annals of history.
The anals of history provide very different results.
I am glad that things are opening up again. Now when I get told to go play in traffic, there actually is traffic.
You can’t make me breathe heavy.
You aren’t a flight of stairs.
I was drinking water while laying down and missed my mouth. I get waterboarding now.
Her : Let me see your big stuff baby.
Me: *sends a pic of my bills*
Bath bomb does not mean cannonball in to the tub. Now she is pissed and I need a new hip.
Her: Good morning!
Me: So we are starting off the day with a lie?
I just want to walk in to a random workplace, put fish in the microwave for 10 minutes on high. Then just sit back and watch the fireworks.