“Bears are omnivores so if you think about it, eating porridge makes perfect sense.”
my date: *heavy sigh* “Ok. Do you have a second favorite book?”
Looking for recipe ideas, I’d like to use up this uranium before it goes bad.
Without Googling, can you close your laptop, drive to the beach, and throw your phone into the ocean?
People my age or older than me or younger than me are the worst.
You’ve got a lotta nerve showing up here and being right.
it’s rude to tell someone they’re incorrect. A more polite response is, “Did you know you’re incorrect?”
Cheer up! Your biggest mistake is probably still ahead of you.
I want to learn scuba diving but I’m terrified of the orchestral music in underwater documentaries.
Slicing an avocado: “I’ll carefully carve two halves then cautiously remove the pit to avoid bruising the fruit.”
Slicing a pineapple: “I’LL SEE YOU IN HELL SPIKEYBOI!”
We rescued an injured coyote once but were totally unprepared for how many Acme products they order.