All I want for Christmas is you.
Buried in my backyard.
Hey Fugeddaboutit
Liquor store clerk: I’m gonna need to see some age verification.
Me: *makes dial-up internet sound*
Another Fast and Furious movie coming in 2023 if they don’t name it Fast 10 Your Seatbelts I’m going to be very disappointed.
I feel this pandemic is the worst group project I’ve ever been a part of in my entire life for real.
I feel the older I get the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.
People write Congrats cause they can’t spell Congrajulashins
Damn CVS sales receipts got caught in the wind
Hey did you know that if you step on the gas and brake at the same time your car takes a screenshot.
The CEO of IKEA has been elected the Prime Minister of Sweden…He’s currently assembling his cabinet.
Imagine being a Cicada you been waiting 17 years for your one chance to have sex then some weirdo freakazoid fries you in butter and serves you with a side of ranch.