Thanks for the 27 hashtags describing your pic otherwise I would have never known it’s a hamburger
Just took my girlfriend to the movies and now I’m $10,000 in debt.
I threw up in a porta potty at a Winger concert back in 88′ …. We did not have the internet back then so I’m telling you now.
Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight …. So I got that going for me.
You guys remember back before Google when we would just sit around and wonder about shit ….?
The cops just showed up at work & all the workers that have been in trouble before fled. At least that’s what I can see from under my desk.
A big shout out to my cat for hissing at an empty closet and keeping me in the bathtub holding a crucifix.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
A spider just fell from the ceiling and landed right in front of me and now I have to explain why a woman was screaming in my cubicle.
Took the batteries out of the smoke detector to use in my remote cause I would rather die in a fire than have to get up & change the channel
My friend has canceled our lunch plans three days in a row. I’m starting to think she really doesn’t like lunch.
Baby, I would run into a burning building from you.
My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer.
If your drug dealer answers your call on the first ring …. he’s a cop.