@Tbone7219

Wife just fell off the bed and I laughed so hard that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.

@Tbone7219

I cannot afford to get my wife a new Lexus for Christmas so I’ll be tying a red ribbon on a pair of Sketchers and setting them in the driveway.

@Tbone7219

Remember when people said the music in the 80’s sucked? ….. They didn’t know what the top 10 in 2020 would be.

@Tbone7219

This fake stomach ache feels like I’ll be leaving work early today to go to a bar to watch the Steelers game.

@Tbone7219

1965~ Wow Cher looks good

1985 ~ Wow Cher looks good

1995 ~ Wow Cher looks good

2020 ~Wow Cher looks good

3035 ~ Wow Cher looks good

@Tbone7219

Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

@Tbone7219

I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.

@Tbone7219

I’m starting to think the sharks on “Shark Week” eat people just to get on tv.

@Tbone7219

I walk around my yard with a fake teardrop tattoo so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids.

@Tbone7219

My neighbor just snapped his fingers at me to get my attention.

In related news, hiding a dead body is not as easy as you think.