Wife just fell off the bed and I laughed so hard that I’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight.
I cannot afford to get my wife a new Lexus for Christmas so I’ll be tying a red ribbon on a pair of Sketchers and setting them in the driveway.
Remember when people said the music in the 80’s sucked? ….. They didn’t know what the top 10 in 2020 would be.
This fake stomach ache feels like I’ll be leaving work early today to go to a bar to watch the Steelers game.
1965~ Wow Cher looks good
1985 ~ Wow Cher looks good
1995 ~ Wow Cher looks good
2020 ~Wow Cher looks good
3035 ~ Wow Cher looks good
Well it’s that time of the year to go outside and pretend to put up the Christmas lights I never took down from last year.
I saved a ton money on a security system by hanging a picture of my paycheck on the front door.
I’m starting to think the sharks on “Shark Week” eat people just to get on tv.
I walk around my yard with a fake teardrop tattoo so my neighbors will not ask me to watch their kids.
My neighbor just snapped his fingers at me to get my attention.
In related news, hiding a dead body is not as easy as you think.