@TedBundybitch

Always the best looking one in the room.
*Restroom
**Restroom stall whatever

@TedBundybitch

When I tell people I don’t speak English to get out of a conversation I randomly throw the word hemorrhoid just to bring it home

@TedBundybitch

Don’t mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months

@TedBundybitch

When I was younger I wanted to rule the world. Now I just want to spell words close enough that autocorrect can figure out what I’m saying