Just got a Life Alert bracelet. Now, if I get a life, I’ll immediately be alerted…
Parents:
If you hit one child with one of the others, you can say they were just fighting.You’re welcome…
It’s ‘before’ not ‘B4’…
We don’t speak Bingo here…
“Get in the van if you want to live.”
Creepy Terminator…
Laughing at your mistakes could lengthen your life. Laughing at your spouse’s mistakes WILL shorten it…
Misery: Hello there!
Company: I have a boyfriend…
Reasons to not go camping No.154:
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world…
Her: Do I look fat?
Him: Do I look stupid?…
Guys who try to pick up women on Twitter are a bit sad…
Ladies, if you agree, DM me your number so we can talk about it…
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces…
For example, I’m going to the liquor store and I’m scared that it may be closed…