Girl: that’s a fine-tooth comb
Guy: *combing teeth* thanks
Professor X: Being literal is not a superpower
Wolverine: Look man, just take the L and leave
Guy: *Drives away*
Woverine: Oh no you didnt!
Guy: Must be hard being named after the hay Jesus was born on
Christian Bale: What?
Girl: (omg he’s so perfect)
Guy: I have In Pasture Syndrome
Girl: You mean Imposter Syn-
Husband: Honey, is it called an octopus because it has eight pu-