Professor X: Being literal is not a superpower

Guy: But-

Wolverine: Look man, just take the L and leave

Guy: *Drives away*

Woverine: Oh no you didnt!


Guy: Must be hard being named after the hay Jesus was born on

Christian Bale: What?


[First Date]

Girl: (omg he’s so perfect)

Guy: I have In Pasture Syndrome

Girl: You mean Imposter Syn-

Guy: *grazing*


Husband: Honey, is it called an octopus because it has eight pu-

Wife: No