You think 2020 is bad, wait till 2025 when the Murder Ladybugs invade.
A homeless woman outside of Walmart winked at me this morning, long story short, it’s going to be an August wedding.
I don’t care if it’s a Hell Hound or not, I’m still going to pet it.
My psychiatrist and I had a major breakthrough.
Now he can hear the voices too.
“I will cook for you.” I threatened
Look, I’m not saying it’s you, all I’m saying is that it’s definitely not me.
One last time…
It’s ‘a lot’ not ‘alot’!
It’s that simple.
Tomorrow we’ll cover thermonuclear fusion & the works of Voltaire.
How I wear a scarf:
1. Take scarf and drape it over my shoulder
2. Find an annoying co-worker and choke them to death with it.
My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.
*Watching YouTube videos*
Boss: What are you watching?
Boss: That’s a dog on a unicycle.
Me: Praise The Lord!