At McDonalds
Cashier: You total is to tell your kids that you love them
Me: Look lady if I loved them I wouldn’t be feeding them this crap
I bet the women who only tweet about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.
Imagine owning a dragon…now set yourself on fire, because that’s what it would be like to own a dragon.
Idiots
#If #I’m #not #following #you #back #this #might #be #the #reason.
A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.
Instead of saying you lost your eyesight due to an explosion while you were making meth, just tell people that you were blinded by science.
She didn’t understand so I took her hands & looked in her eyes & said “I know this is a Starbucks but I just want plain black coffee idiot.”
I’ve never once used the “C word” in a tweet but I will now!!!!
Cookie.
There, happy now? You cunts.
I love it when people throw out those inspirational tweets like ‘live life to the fullest’ after they’ve spent the entire day on Twitter.