@TheBeerGuy73: Teens today stuck inside all day long playing video games.
In my day, we spent all day outside smoking hash oil & cigarettes with friends.
@TheBeerGuy73: My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger.
So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car.
@TheBeerGuy73: A N U S
B U T T
M U F F
~ My reply when the optometrist asks me to read the lower lines, regardless of what I see
@TheBeerGuy73: *smokes fat doobie*
*enters hotdog eating contest*
*sets Guinness World Record*
*gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*
@TheBeerGuy73: Every few weeks I login to Facebook, update my birthday to the current day, and those idiots wish me happy birthday every time.
@TheBeerGuy73: The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn't stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.
@TheBeerGuy73: Wife: Let's get my mom a special gift; one that will make her lose her mind!
Me: How about a guillotine?
Me: I'll be on the couch.
@TheBeerGuy73: My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed.
Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists.
@TheBeerGuy73: A reality show, where you spy on your suspected cheating significant other, called Baewatch.