I deserve chocolate. I just deleted a comment on Facebook that would’ve led to a political fight.
The problem with movies, today, is that Shrek isn’t in all of them.
Pizza is a lot like sex. If you do it wrong you burn the roof of your mouth.
From a distance, I look like a regular dude. Up close I look like Picasso painted Nicolas Cage.
“It wasn’t such a GOOD FRIDAY for Jesus, if you think about it.” -Every youth pastor today.
Why do people say “no pun intended,” when they could just say, “pununintended?”
Me: They say a picture is worth a thousand words.
My advisor: This selfie can’t be your thesis statement.