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@TheMichaelRock : I'm sorry I tweeted about the same topic as someone else, but in my defense, I haven't read the entire internet yet.
@TheMichaelRock: Sorry I shot your SUV but it's deer season, I saw the antlers and I panicked.
@TheMichaelRock: It’s funny how people rage in traffic on the way to work like they’ll be any happier once they get there.
@TheMichaelRock: Computer: do you want to save the changes?
Me: I....I didn't make any changes...OMG DID I MAKE CHANGES
@TheMichaelRock: Son: dad, where do vegans come from?
@TheMichaelRock: Sleeping Beauty was full of shit. No woman is that nice when you wake her up from a nap.
@TheMichaelRock: Radio: The purge has begun. For the next 12 hours, all crime is legal.
Me[gets in the 10 items or less line with 11 items] this is exhilarating!
@TheMichaelRock: People like to make fun of my fanny pack until they need a napkin or a chicken nugget.
@TheMichaelRock: If a dude is wearing cowboy clothes, is he ranch dressing?
@TheMichaelRock: [inventor of Grape Nuts]
what if you could eat gravel?