Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead
Optician can tell from my eyes bleeding that I only just started flossing before the appointment
Did…did a minotaur write this
Why’s it called Death On The Nile and not Murder She Boat
Quick, is ANYONE on this plane a singer?
Drunkenly got behind the wheel last night
BOSS: Ok, so we’ve decided we’re definitely going to call our new product yogert. Has anyone got any thoughts on the spelling?
ROBHURT: yeh
[FIRST DATE]
ME (Struggling to make conversation): …tell me about a time you worked well as part of a team.
Home Alone 2? Shame on you. Home Alone 3? Shame on me.
Hate freeloaders who join in the New Year’s Eve countdown for the last 10 seconds. I’ve been doing this all year. Where were you back in May
Who blons a dumb de now, eh? WHO BLONS A DUMB DE NOW?
