My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.
I said it must be my weekend immune system.
Anyone who ever worked at Twitter…
Is now either an ex-employee or an X employee.
Always trust a glue salesman…
They tend to stick to their word.
I was walking down the street where the houses were numbered, 64k, 128k, 256k, 512k, and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane
Interviewer: I want to ask you a question, and your answer must be quick.
Me: Okay.
Interviewer: 12 + 37 = ?
Me: Quick
Wanna hear a joke?
Sleep.
I know, I don’t get it either.
Every morning after I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and runs me over.
It’s a vicious cycle.
Police have arrested the World Tongue-Twister Champion.
They said he’ll be given a tough sentence.
“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
If you think your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough…
The vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
The reason that aliens have never visited us is because our solar system has received terrible reviews.
We only have one star.
“How much to hire a church singing group?”
“You mean a choir?”
“Fine, how much to acquire a church singing group?”
Where do rainbows go when they’re bad?
Prism. It’s a light sentence
What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?
HDMI