*combines 2% and 1% to create 3% milk*
Sucks how parents can’t name their son The Green River Killer anymore since The Green River Killer went & ruined it for everyone.
Sucks how parents can’t name their son The Green River Killer since The Green River Killer went & ruined it for everyone.
A Dwayne Johnson impersonator is a sham-Rock.
Lost my job naming hurricanes after 3 ex-girlfriends called & complained. In hindsight, including their last names may have been a bad idea.
Before the invention of the hose, firefighters had to put fires out with their fists.
[labels account “18+”]
[tweets exclusively about voting & buying cigarettes legally]
In hell, your mouth is always freshly brushed & minty, and all they have to drink is orange juice.
Dog The Bounty Hunter’s greatest weakness is getting distracted when the fugitive throws a tennis ball.
Michael Cera, in a public restroom, pinned to the opposite wall by the force of the hand-dryer.